I learned how to read when I was two. Education and learning has always been really easy for me, and I’ve never had to try to get the high marks I earned all through school.
My sisters, on the other hand, struggled through their textbooks, and suffered while studying for exams. My youngest sister called me ther other night, distraught over some assignment she had to finish that night. Since my mother is a supporter of the idea of French Immersion, she wasn’t able to help Alix with her homework. This means that I am regularly receiving phone calls from my sister, asking me what a certain word means, or how to say something in french.
This time, though, I was distracted and sort of rushed her off the phone. My mom called me back a couple of hours later, and explained to me that Alix had cried for hours after I’d hung up with her, upset and unable to complete her homework.
I, of course, felt like absolute shit.
So I made a deal with my mom. Since I quit my job (yay!), Alix can come over after school and I will tutor her. I get paid, and Alix gets her homework done.
Sometimes, I just wish I wasn’t so smart.
Ever since I started school, I’ve wanted to quit my job.
Not my writing job, my job at the travel agency. Although I really don’t mind the work, the people I work with are slowly eating away at my soul. There is a reason I was never friends with many girls in high school, and why I’m not suited for office work. I just can’t stand the cattiness, the bossiness, and the politics.
Basically, the only reason I haven’t quit yet is because the newspaper actually hasn’t paid me since July. They currently owe me over three thousand dollars. This is partly my fault and partly their fault, but this not getting paid situation has resulted in my living on $500 a month since September, and relying heavily on the income I am receiving from job #1.
I called my mom today, in tears, because I can’t stand the attitude I get at the office. I’ve been dealing with an on-going feud between myself and a co-worker, which is very unlike me. Basically, what happens is that she bitches at me in a condescending, hypocritical manner and I just ignore her and continue with what I am doing. This has escalated to the point where as soon as she opens her mouth at me, I want to turn and walk out the door.
My mom said, “I’ve experienced enough to know that you can’t stay in situations where you’re not happy.”
“Are you going to marry him?” she asked me.
This was something I had never expected to hear from my mother. For as long as I can remember, every time I’ve been involved in any kind of relationship, her favorite thing to tell me has been, “well, Jess, it’s not like you’re going to marry him.”
I honestly didn’t know what to say. It’s not like I haven’t thought about it. He definitely has.
“He’d be good for you,” she told me. “He loves you.”
“He has a kid, Mom,” I explained, which is something that I’ve agonized over for the three years we’ve been together. “I just don’t know if I can do it.”
“Then you shouldn’t be with him,” she said decisively. “He should have broken up with you by now.”
It hurt, but I’ve been thinking about it ever since.
Sometimes, you just need a change.
As much as I love blogging, I was sort of getting sick of my blog. It was like an old boyfriend that I still cared about, but didn’t really want to see anymore. I’m hoping that a makeover will perk me up, and make me rediscover what I love about blogging.
Or maybe I’ve just run my course as a blogger. I hope not.
