one monkey short of a barrel.

I used to draw a comic strip called “Spike” for my elementary school newspaper.

I have terrible ears. When I was little they were so bad we made numerous trips to the emergency room in the middle of the night.

I have never done any of the following: a) drawn my name and a boy’s name in a heart, b) written my name with a boy’s last name attached, or c) had a crush on any boys in high school.

I’ve only had two boyfriends.

I didn’t drink until I was seventeen. I decided I’d done enough stupid shit I regretted without drinking that I didn’t want to do it until I was more mature.

I don’t like to kiss while having sex. One or the other, please.

I have 43 CDs that I’ve never listened to.

I have never smoked a cigarette.

I hate to run, except after yoga.

Most people over 70 give me the heebie jeebies. Even my own grandparents.

I used to have a pet calf named Lucy who always tried to follow me on the bus. I found her killed and half-eaten by coyotes one morning.

My favorite plants are succulents because they are harder to kill.

I am terrified of lightning, but love storms. If the lightning gets too bad, though, I freak out.

I used to hate the taste of water.

The only time I drink milk is with oreos, ginger snaps, or Dad’s oatmeal cookies.

I don’t like most cakes, although I love my sister’s cheesecake because she always burns the sides for me.

I hate going to the gym.

I am bilingual. I speak french fluently and hope to learn spanish and italian.

Italian, not “eye”-talian. I hate when people say that.

I can’t write an “8″ like most people. I draw one circle on top of the other.

My favorite food is stir-fry and peanut sauce.

I am an incredibly fast reader.

I love to watch hypnotists.

My favorite drink is a dark rum paralyzer.

I hate the song “O Canada”.

Sports announcers annoy the hell out of me, unless they are on the radio. Otherwise, I can see for myself.

I have never gotten my driver’s license.

As much as I hate telemarketers or phone surveyers, I can’t hang up on them – I used to be one. I was very good at it.

I have been told that I have exceptional manners over the phone.

I have never been so drunk that I’ve thrown up.

In fact, I rarely get the stomach flu. I usually only throw up from stress.

Sometimes, I like to play mind games with the boys I sleep with.

I see and speak to my family fairly often, but I’m not particularly close to any of them.

I bought a $100 bearded dragon on an impulse.

I’ve never had a credit card.

I have been to more concerts than most 21 year olds I know. I have also seen bands most people have never heard of.

I don’t believe in a) true love, b) the One, or c) god.

I bite my cuticles raw and even though it hurts it’s soothing.

I have had very good eyes my entire life, but staring at a screen all day at work is wearing them out.

This sort of excites me – I’ve always wanted glasses.

I buy very cheap watches because I get sick of them frequently and want a change.

That is also why I dye my own hair.

I can type very quickly but I don’t know how to type properly.

I love maple bacon on toast with cheez whiz. Especially for supper.

Ice cream and yogurt give me terrible stomach cramps, but I like it so I eat it anyways.

I used to hate asparagus but now I love it slightly cooked and covered in melted butter.

I wrote an 120-page novel when I was thirteen and it accidentally got erased from my computer. I still never back up my work.

I feel lonely most of the time.

I used to love the smell of cigarettes but now I get sick if I am around it too much. My best friend knows this and smokes around me anyways – even in our apartment when we lived together.

I am a terrible neat freak.

I don’t like children. I think they all whine too much.

Lots of people think I am a bitch before they get to know me. Then they’re sure I am.

I would rather go to a concert with my mother than anyone else.

I am very interested in photography but I rarely take pictures.

When I was fourteen I taught art classes at the Art Gallery.

I got kicked out of University for misunderstanding instructions.

I love the game “The Sims” but find it incredibly addictive.

I know it’s selfish, but I hate it when my girlfriends have boyfriends.

I love that I’ve stayed best friends with a girl I made out with.

Sometimes I miss living with her but I’m happier where I am now.

I hate artificial lighting and I love hardwood floors.

I love the stories on the last page of “Martha Stewart: Living”.

I am scared to move away.

I hate riding my bike against the wind.

I bought the movie “The Doors” having never seen it. I waited months to watch it because I was scared I’d hate it. It’s one of my very favorite movies.

I have always loved spelling tests.

I don’t know how to study.

I have been told that I give incredible head.

I hate getting head.

I love watching football.

I am a very good foosball player and a terrible pool player.

I love bowling.

Sometimes I get curious about meeting my bio-dad but I don’t do anything about it. I wouldn’t want to hurt my mom or my step-dad.

I don’t think my eleven year old sister knows we have different fathers.

My dad is one of the smartest men I have ever met. He can fix anything.

I have a hard time telling people I love them.

My nails grow incredibly fast but I hate having long nails.

I love to play in the rain half naked in the middle of the night.

When I get colds I get depressed and stay sick for an incredibly long time.

As much as I want to be a teacher, it scares me because I really don’t like kids.

I want to lose weight but I don’t want to change my eating or excercise habits.

When I was little I hated losing teeth. Now I have nightmares about my teeth falling out.

I always feel lonely at Christmas.

I don’t like the green in my hazel eyes so I tell people that they’re brown.

I work through my coffee breaks, which adds up to an extra hour and forty minutes a week that I don’t get paid for. That’s $52.50 per month. But I don’t say anything.

I have a $200 travel credit to use but I can’t afford to go anywhere.

I think everything looks more colorful in the rain.

I love to sweep and vacuum but I hate to wash or dry dishes.

I have been an art instructor, a teacher assistant, and a travel agent – all without any training.

I have flown first class once – on a plane to Campbell River at 2 am.

People who get plastic surgery to look like someone else disgust me.

I love to play cards. I am a great euchre player.

I prefer games with trump.

I hate organizing for other people.

I hate how trees look in the winter, except those days where they are covered in frost and they glow.

I don’t get along with most women.

I have smoked pot with my mother.

I am terrified of bees and wasps. I think because I have never been stung.

I complain about my weight now, but I tried really hard to gain it. Everyone used to make fun of how skinny I was in school.

I liked Disneyland better than Walt Disney World, but Epcot was my favorite.

I love peanut butter on carrots.

What I miss the most about my job at the elementary school is speaking french. Also, the days off were great.

I don’t read as much as I would like to.

I hated working in a restaurant. I never want to do it again.

When I was in elementary school we used to get to watch “The Flintstones” every noon hour.

I used to work with a seven year old with Tourette’s. His favorite word was “Chicken”. He said it so often that after work I would find myself sitting at home saying, “Chicken, chicken, chicken…”

When I was in grade seven I refused to give mouth-to-mouth to the dummy. I thought it was disgusting.

I received a collection of canvasses for my sixteenth birthday. They are still under my old bed at my parents’ house.

I have a black and white photograph of my boobs on my bedroom wall. It was in an art exhibtion.

I first got drunk at a bar at age seventeen.

I didn’t like the taste of beer until I was nineteen, when I was sleeping with a guy with nothing but Pilsner in his fridge.

I buy cheap purses for the same reason I buy cheap watches.

The color I think looks best on me is brown.

I didn’t wear make-up until I was nineteen.

Sometimes I wear fake glasses.

I hate talking to people on the phone.